How Long Can I Afford to Do This?

Provider of lunch and dinner...for several days in a row. 

Before anyone goes off on me and says that this is a "bitch and moan" piece, it's not; it's a response to a CNN article about why a teacher quit the profession. The short answer? She can't afford to do it anymore.


From the article:

"This is Linda DeRegnaucourt's last summer off. When school starts in August, it will be her last year to think about high school classes, advanced placement tests and calculus.

If all goes as planned, this will be her last year teaching at Palm Bay High School in Brevard County, Florida.

She doesn't want to go. After 13 years of teaching high-level math, she has a tested stable of learning methods that helped all her students pass the AP calculus exam. Her room is a popular place for students to escape the drama of the high school cafeteria. Few jobs can indulge her excitement for linear functions and matrix calculus.

"I hate to have to leave it," DeRegnaucourt said. "I really thought I was going to be that teacher, 65 years old and retiring from the education field. That's not going to happen."

She's quitting, she said, because she can't afford to stay.

Two years ago, a divorce left 47-year-old DeRegnaucourt with a single income. Rental properties she owned only caused more financial strain as Florida's real estate market fell apart in recent years. Despite her years of experience, she earns $38,000, she said, less than she made in the past, when teachers received larger supplements for additional certifications.

Once she made a budget, she realized she didn't make enough money to cover her expenses and save for her future. Changing careers felt like the only wise financial move, she said."

My response? Fair point, with a perfectly logically conclusion. I have asked myself if I can afford to do this long-term while looking at it from several angles. Financially. Physically. Emotionally. 

I'll go for as long as I can go. I already know and have already stated that I won't retire in a classroom. I won't be a 20+ year teacher, if I even come anywhere close to that number. I'm year 2, and I'm already antsy to get the know the educational landscape outside of the classroom better. 

Financially-speaking, money has never been my primary motivator, though I definitely respect the importance and need for it. Then again, without giving too much of myself away, I can say that my credit kicks ass; I pay off my credit card every month; I just bought a new Rav-4; and I can't say that don't live comfortably. 

That's right! I'm ridin' on 17s!!

That's not to say that I'm ballin' HARD. In fact, I just enjoyed a bowl of "Furl-Os", the name I gave to the non-Cheerio Cheerios I just ate (and just enjoyed the hell out of them) :)

Totally have eaten 3 out of 4 of these, and currently have one in my pantry now. HINT: Not the one on the far-right.

However, I recognize that teacher retention is a problem. It's not enough that the today's culture is not valuing the important of the role of the teacher in education as highly as years prior, thus leading a good number of teachers to leave to greener pastures. Now, the economic landscape is further kicking dirt in the eyes of good teachers willing to persevere. 

If my immediate goals were to settle down, buy a house, and have babies, hell no, I wouldn't teach! But that not my problem; I'm good with what I get and will get, but then again, I take care of just myself, and I have no plans on staying in the classroom long enough to where, financially, being an educator will be burdensome. (In other words, I'm nowhere close to the point where I'm buying a house and having babies.)

But to those who want to be teachers for a long time AND have the "American Dream", I understand their decision to leave, if they want. I just don't think it should have to be a choice between teaching and having enough money to sustain. Why not both?

IDK What to Title This Thing: 2012 Edition

I re-read my year-ending post from 2011. (I would have written "last year", but it's 2013 now, so that wouldn't have worked.) It was reflective and for the most part, to the point, so I'll do that again. 

• There's no question about my survival this year. I'm still here and kickin', which is a minor miracle considering all of the flux in both the positive and negative direction in both my professional and private life. Nevertheless, I'm healthier, psychologically and physically, than I was last year at this point. 

• Graduate school...I've covered this topic extensively this year, so I won't fully rehash it today, besides saying that I'm thankful that it is done. Also, I recognize that my first experience with graduate school was atypical in that in the purpose was to get my teaching credentials ALONG with a master's degree, which I think watered down the rigor. As we speak, I'm in the process of applying to a M.Ed. program in Teacher Leadership. Hopefully, I will get in, and have more of an opportunity to explain what's going to happen in this program and what I hope to accomplish in it. It suffices to say that me and grad school ain't done. We just can't quit each other.

• The quarter-life crisis is still not over, personally or professionally, but I'm working through it. More to the point, I'm getting a grip on dealing with uncertainty, and how to make it work for me. I'm about 90% sure of the direction I'm going professionally, and I realize that having fun while figuring out the personal life stuff is actually okay, and in fact, is encouraged. What's the point of having a personal life outside of work if you don't actually enjoy yourself?

•  My ending point/goal for 2013: Find balance between my work and my personal life. I want to give 100% to my work; I love what I do. I'm passionate about what I do and why I do it, so I want give my best towards my work. At the same time, I want to give my best towards myself. I want to be in the best physical shape that I have ever been this year. I want to explore interests that I haven't had time to in the past, like travelling, getting deeper into physical activities, and doing more multimedia projects. Yes, this is all about having the cake and eating it, too. But why the hell not if the cake is good?

• In the past, I thought I was having my cake and eating it too. It wasn't until 2012 that I realize that I been having the cake but was only eating crumbs of it. Academically, I was/am a rock star. I have an extremely kick-ass work ethic and set of standards, which has made success a given for me; I work for it, dammit! It hasn't been until recently that I realized that this doesn't fulfill the non-teacher part of Ms. Insane. While my professional success is a big part of what make me...me, it doesn't fill the entirety, for which I am now seeking fulfillment. 

Last, but not least, as my final part of the back for 2012, the recap of 2012:

• January 2012: Beginning of second semester as an actual teacher at my beloved charter school

• March/April 2012: The race to the Georgia CRCTs ( = Super-Stress & Super-Amount of Starbucks = Nasty Caffeine Addiction)

• May 2012: CRCT Results back...The kids kicked ass!/Successful end of first year of actual teaching

• August 2012: Graduated from graduate school/Received Master of Arts in Teaching!

• August 2012: Beginning of second-year as an actual teachers/Promoted as Department Chair

• October 2012: Promoted as Grade-Level Chair (I gave up the department as a result, by choice)

• December 2012: End of second semester as an actual teacher at my beloved charter school

Again, much bitching takes place here on my blog, but I couldn't be more blessed. I asked for this, and have received some much more than what I asked. However, in totality, I'm doing well, and in the process of making sure I do even better in 2013!

To friends, loved ones, and strangers who read this, thank you for rocking with me, and reading this. I put myself out here to: a) get it out, as a cathartic process, and b) in the hopes that someone relates or gets some perspective of teaching, even though mine represents only a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny fraction of what happens. 

Again, thanks dear readers, and Happy New Year! Here's to 2013!

Helping Others Fall on Their Ass Gracefully

I'll try not to make this a lengthy post, as I'm only writing it as a way to help me think through some things.

Update time: I've taken on the mantle of grade-level chair, and I'd like to think that I'm doing a decent, if imperfect, job. I'm learning everyday, so what else is there to say? Do I enjoy the job? Hell, yes! While this is selfish, I love that I have a hand in how we do things as a team. Do I completely enjoy the team? No. I've made no secret of this. However, through the job, I'm getting a new perspective on how important each individual part is to the team. Even the seemingly "useless" one affects the team in a major way (not to say that anyone is "useless"). 

With that said, that is what I'm currently thinking through. I've been falling on my ass everyday, it seems, since I've became grade-level chair. There is more work and more thinking to be done for the team on top of the work and thinking it takes to teach and to keep my personal life afloat. Through all this ass-hitting, I've realized that falling on one's ass gracefully is like riding a bike. You don't really forget how to do. Your technique might change a little bit, but once you've made the adjustment, it's all good. I'm a pro at failure, so dealing with it and bouncing back from it doesn't take much. In fact, I'd say I owe my success thus far to the fact that I'm good at failure. 

What I haven't figure out is how to help others get good at failure. I know that you don't carry on doing the same thing that leads to failure; you adjust. I know that you don't sit there in wallow it; you yell and curse and keep it moving. I know that you don't just complain; you complain for a few, and then come up with a solution. 

I'm not seeing much of this. I'm seeing asses hitting the ground constantly! Much like the fainting goats...

But unlike the fainting goats*, folks just are NOT getting back up. How do I help them? Today, a teacher on my team took a terrible hit to her confidence. It was a fall of epic proportions, but I have no idea on how to help. Gonna sleep on it, and think about fainting goats, which make me smile (one of several methods for dusting off my butt).

*I'm not a horrible person, and no, the "fainting goats" are not hurt. They are merely just being more awesome than the rest of us. :)

Learning How To Fall Gracefully On My Ass Again

A lot can change in a month...

Not sure if I mentioned it, but as of this upcoming Monday, I will be my grade-level chair. I am excited, and I am scared as hell. My predecessor is Amazing, and yes, that is with a capital 'A'. I owe her my first year of teaching. Without her guidance and her blunt, but kind advice, who knows what kind of haphazard hack I would be? Her leadership has been crucial during this school year, as our team is not the same "dream team" that it was last year. Though from her perspective, she struggled with our new teammates, I didn't see her break a sweat over it. Yet, I have, and probably, will continue to.

While our team is no where near where it should be, my predecessor was working hard on getting it to be the best it could be. She was diplomatic and personable. Folks who know me personally, is "diplomatic" a word that could be used to describe me? No. "Personable" is not it either. The common adjectives for me when I get into work mode are: "brusque", "blunt", "neurotic"...you know words that describe "bossy", "know-it-alls", who are "controlling" and "Type A". I can't honestly reject any of these descriptors. I mean, just last night when I went to dinner with friends/co-workers, I was told there was word out in the hallways that I am a "duty Nazi". True. I've been a grade-A, stone-cold heifer about being present during lunch and doing what needs to be done.

Incompetency doesn't work for me or with me. Mediocrity is just plain unacceptable. Go hard, or go home. I have always operated with this in mind. If it is worth my time to do it, let's, you know, do it! If I'm at the school working my ass off for these students, and I care the world and more about them, then so should my fellow teachers. Otherwise, what the hell are you there for?

With that in mind, this is how I've been operating as a team member. If you are not carrying your weight to get the job done, then I will let you know it, in no uncertain terms. However, leaders can't do this. I can't just criticize and leave it alone. I have to lead by example and by a willingness to help. I've got the first part down. The second part, I'm still working on, especially with some of my teammates, which is why I'm scared as hell.

I'm not my predecessor. I'm not as graceful in speech, as diplomatic, or as personable. I'm a "weirdo" socially. I stutter frequently when I speak. I'm blunt. I'm a "Type A" when it comes to what I'm passionate about, which  in this case, is working with these students. After much reflection last night, I've pinpointed my problem...

I'm afraid of failure. I feel like I'm back in my second semester of college, when I felt like I was staring down a barrel of a gun, when I was on the verge of failing Calculus II. I was an anxious, nasty mess that drove me to horrible depths physically and psychologically. In fact, I remember a doctor's appointment I went to during this time when my blood pressure was so high that they were about to admit me to the hospital. That's when I realized that I had major anxiety issues.

The turning point for me during my low point? When I finally failed the damn course. I realized that my life didn't end, I was still in college, and I didn't lose all of my scholarships. I was okay. After that first failure, I learned a lot. I revamped my schedule and how I did things, so that I wouldn't fail the course again, and you know what? I passed Calculus II the second go round with an "A".  After that course, I was dealt many more hurdles, and I definitely failed to jump some of those hurdles. I continued (and still do continue) to battle with anxiety, but I always had that first failure to remind me that life goes on and many times, gets better.

I'm nowhere near my low point. I'm nervous, yes, but not to the point where I need medication or need to see a therapist. I think that my nervousness comes from the fact that it's been a long time since I had a honest fall on my ass. Since the end-of-the-year test scores came out last year, I've been on a string of BIG wins: graduated from graduate school, department chair, a relatively smooth beginning of my school year...and the list goes on with small wins.

Not only do I need to learn how to fall on my ass again, it needs to happen gracefully. In other words, without becoming the nasty, anxious mess. I can see the nasty, anxious mess happening in the face of a failure. I love my job, and I fiercely support my school community. We are a small community, so any bit of leadership is a big deal. My predecessor did an awesome job, and more than anything, I don't want to screw up what she did. I want to become my own person as a grade-level chair, while building upon what she started. More than anything, I want to do right by the students. As the grade-level chair, I set the standards, I  execute ideas on what it takes to get our students excited about school and about being in on hall, I facilitate the conversations that need to happen to make things happen. I'm scared to take on this new role, and simultaneously excited and grateful that my administrators thought enough of me to give me the chance to take on this role!

Here's to learning how to fall gracefully on my ass and picking myself up and making myself better!

Going Back to Grad School?

Quick update: I didn't see my personal trainer on Wednesday for a damn good reason: I was getting prepared for my last minute sub because right as my planning period began, I was invited to go to a conference with the admin team! By the way, it was awesome! I came away with many great ideas to implement in my classroom (and validation for many of the ones I already use) and inspiration!

I've been talking about getting close to seeing the light, and I'm pretty sure I've got it right here. Yes, it is more grad school, and more to the point, more GSU, but this seems different to me. Don't know why, but it does. Perhaps it's because this will help pave them path onto the next thing unlike the MAT, which was the end of my last long-term goal. This particular degree is the beginning of the next long-term goal, which sad to say, I'm not ready to announce yet, because I still don't know what the hell it is.

I can say with certainty that I don't see myself teaching full time in 5-10 years. I'm not a 30-year teacher. Never have been one. Not to knock those who, but I'm too ambitious to settle here and say that I've made it, which explains my end-of-grad-school malaise. I set the goal about 3-4 years ago to become a teacher and complete my MAT to become a fully credentialed teacher. Ta da! I did it. Now what?

Here's the what: I believe whole-heartedly that things happen for a reason (beyond the immediate ones). There is a reason for me being on the new teacher induction committee; there is a reason for me being a department chair; there is a reason why I'm increasingly being asked to take on leadership roles without asking for them; and there is a reason why sometimes my first reaction in certain situations at work is to step up and take the wheel. Is this adding on work and stress to my life? Yes, but it feels good and more to it, it feels right. This is the same feeling I had when I realized that all signs were pointing towards a career in education. It's also the same feeling I had when I figured out what I was supposed to be doing in education: teaching.

Let me put this out here now. I'm not just doing this for an increase in pay or to put another achievement on my resume. There are many other things I could be doing right now that would make me a crap-ton more money and prestige. I chose to teach, because, among other reasons, I truly believe that a great education is the key to many doors in life. Coming from a fairly humble background, I received a kick-butt education. Why shouldn't other kids like me? I believe that my career choice is all about sharing what I have earned, which is a lot. I truly hope that at the end of my teaching career, some of my students can say that my sharing my love of learning and knowledge has inspired them to do ________, and they, in turn, share what they earn to inspire others. However, I can only share so much in my classroom. Once I learn how to effectively share on a larger scale, the classroom won't be enough.

My first love will always be the classroom, and for now, it's my only love. However, I like what I'm seeing outside the classroom, so I want to explore that for a bit, and who knows what can happen from there. 

Week 8, Take 2!

This week, I'm going to aim to be more education-focused in my discussion than I was last week. I actually have more to say about my teaching life this week, anyway, so that shouldn't be a problem. Where to start?

Principal "Insane"? Hell no, this is not happen today, tomorrow, or next year, but perhaps maybe a leadership position. Ask me at this point last year if I would ever consider leadership role or a role in education administration, I would have emphatically said no. Again, what a difference a year makes! This year with a taste of sanity and leadership under my tongue, hmm. Perhaps, maybe. Quite frankly, I really like the taste, but not for power or pay. In fact, I get no pay bump in my role on our school's new teacher induction committee. However, I am loving the fact that I have a more powerful voice and authority to exact change to the benefit our of school's culture and our school's students. 

In the context of my recent teaching-based "quarter-life crisis", I'm starting to see the light, or the next moves. I've always known a Master's wouldn't be enough for me. In whatever I chose to do, I knew that I would have to go hard or not do it. Now that I've chosen education as career path (and more than that really, one of my life's passions), I have to go hard, which means I have to go back. Not necessarily to GSU, but somewhere good to where I can be the best ________ I can be. What goes in the blank? Dean of Students? Dean of Curriculum and Instruction? Principal? Who knows? All I know is that I'm starting to see light, and I couldn't be happier. 

Leading the "Newbies"/Being a Mentor: As I've mentioned, I'm on the new teacher induction committee, which I'm loving. I get to help the new teachers, and peek in on the "new" teachers to get new ideas and strategies from "new" perspectives to the school. In addition to this, I have been given a teaching intern (i.e. part-time student teacher). No, I didn't ask for this person, and the fact that this person's COE even allowed him/her to be with a second-year teacher is absurd...but I digress! 

Since I have had this person, I've had to temper myself and realize that not everyone had the same experiences as I did. My student teaching experience was definitely not the typical experience. Not to toot my horn too loudly, but I'm awesomeness academically and when it comes to work-related stuff. Like I've said, I've been taught to either go hard or go home, so I go hard. I give 110%. Mediocrity tends to upset me, whether its from myself or from others. However, my perception on what is mediocre is different from what other perceive. When I was asked as a teaching fellow to take on a lesson, I threw myself into wholeheartedly. It's what scored me my current job. However, when I tasked my intern with two things, I got back an email full of "I'll do my best to....However..." and "I'll try...". To be honest,  I saw flames. What the hell do you mean "[you] will try"? No, seriously. "I'll do my best" should never be followed by "however". 

After taking a step back, I again realized that everyone is not the overachiever that I am nor should they be. This is a senior in college. While I'm not that far removed, a year of teaching has matured me a bit. I was every bit as overwhelmed, and quite frankly, nervous as this character. I worried about meeting my mentor teacher's expectations and I worked everyday to make sure that she saw my value. I think this person has down the worry part, but not so much the latter part, because he/she is so damn nervous. After coming to this realization, I've decided that I really need to step up and put the "mentor" in mentor teacher. Yes, this character's first lesson plan was utter crap, but it is my job to point him/her in the right directions, so that when he/she actually teaches my class, it would be a lesson that I cringe at the entire time nor will it be one that I tell the kids to ignore. It's my job to let her/him know that every teachers feels like a deer in headlights; it's just the response to those headlights that matter. While some teachers accept being run over and fail, other teachers realize that you fight like hell and smash the incoming car. It results in a few injuries, but all in all, nothing terribly catastrophic. (What a horrible analogy!)

Movie of the Week: "Looper", duh! I don't have the time to discuss this in the detail that it deserves right now. Plus, I'm going to see it again, so I'll have something educated to say about it next week!

Gym Update: Zumba on Thursday, and PT butt-kicking Wednesday. In other words...60 minutes of cardio in last week. BUT! This week, I spent an hour getting in my weight-training AND my 25 minutes of cardio. Tomorrow will be a repeat, thank you very much!

Final Thoughts: I'm still all about seeing the nugget of success everyday. Academically-speaking, my kids are improving! Unlike last year, I'm not banging my head into a wall when they crash and burn an assignment. I write my notes to myself to modify my LP for next time, plan something new for this year, and keep it moving. "Keep calm and carry on!" 

Week 7, Take 2!

Greetings, everyone!

I'm baacckk! I really didn't go anywhere. I just haven't been keeping up, but a small selected group of people who shall remain anonymous, because this blog is allegedly anonymous, have been nudging me write again. Plus, I want to write again. Within the month or so I haven't been writing, many things have changed for me professionally.

To summarize, I've added on the role of mentor teacher to several teachers new to our school along with taking on the actual role of mentor teacher to a teaching "intern". When I first stopped to analyze this, my first thought was, "What the hell? I'm only a second-year teacher." I'm still learning and growing myself, so who am I to tell someone else what to do? Then, I realized that this is not what I wanted out of a mentor teacher, and it's not how I will do it. I'm a support system; I offer advice and sounding boarding. So far, so good. There are some teachers that need me to talk more than others. In fact, there are some teachers I "mentor" who I'm clearly using for my growth and development. Admittedly, I really like these new roles so far. Perhaps, this is foretelling my future? We shall see!

Movie of the Week: This weekend, I went to see Lawless. It came out about a month ago, but I'm now getting around to it. To be honest, I haven't seen a movie since my last post, so this is my first in several weeks. The only reason why I chose it was because the showtime was the most convenient for me, yet I'm glad that I did see it! It was a fun, if unsubstantial, movie.Lawless is the true-ish story of bootlegger Bondurant brothers during Prohibition.  If you like your Southern accents hard, along with a good gangster flare, I recommend checking Lawless out. Even the massive amount of Shia LaBeouf didn't kill the movie for me. Tom Hardy and Guy Pearce more than enough make up for the Beef O.D. I seriously could watch close-ups of Hardy talking all day and saying "Umm.." in the terrific accent he has in this movie. Or in his own deep-voiced, British accent. Whatever. It doesn't matter the accent as long as the camera is zoomed in on his lips.

The movie poster didn't do him enough justice. 

In all seriousness, Hardy is the VIP of this movie. I can't think of a movie that he wasn't absolutely brilliant. His Forest Bondurant, the savviest of the three, is the most interesting character, followed by Guy Pearce's Special Deputy Rakes. Too bad most of the movie is spent of the baby of the Bondurant brothers, Jack (Shia TheBeef). Despite the focus on the weakest of the main characters along with the misguided tone (I still don't know what the takeaway of the film was other than Tom Hardy and his lips are hot and Guy Pearce does creepy very well), Lawless is a lot of fun. Note: I'm not a Shia hater. It's just that I'm too much reminded of the Transformers movies whenever I see him. I haven't completely forgiven him yet.

Which explains this totally superfluous still from the movie.

Gym Update: Last week, I was still recovering from a bad cold, so cardio and strength training was light. This week, I'm in for Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It's happening. I'm back, so it has to happen. Or will it? (No, really, it will happen, otherwise some of my "readers" will bother the hell out of me.)

I just realized that most of this post has nothing to do with teaching. I'm okay with this. Next week, I'll give you more of a perspective on how year two is versus year one. I feel as busy, if not busier sometimes, as I did last year, but I'm handling it better. Maybe even welcoming it, which has much to do with what I see as my future in education, but more on that later.

For now, I'll close with this thought that I'm working on: To truly to be about the business of working with my scholars to make sure that they are the best they can be, that means they need to be provided with the best teachers that we can give them. Along with other variables, the best teachers are, in my opinion, confident in their abilities and their passion to work with kids. In addition, they have balanced lives and are able to take and implement constructive criticism to become the best teachers they can be.

I've been hyper-critical of some of the new teachers I work with. As a "mentor teacher" in our new teacher induction program, part of my job should be uplifting these new teachers, not only through observations and constructive criticism, but through positive words of encouragement and through helping them see the small successes everyday. I seriously live and teach by the credo that as long as my effort into my work and into helping my students averages out at 100% or more, my kids are learning and will be great, when all is said and done. Not everyday is a 100% or even a 90 or 80 percent day...and that's okay! Teaching and learning is not done in a single day; it happens over time. I want other teachers to see that everyday will not be homerun, and that there is at least a nugget of success that comes from everyday, even it is just a lesson learned on what not to do tomorrow.

So...here's to that nugget of success tomorrow and everyday afterward!

He's definitely many nuggets of success!